When you say one thing but you mean your mother

Originally Pubished December 2017

"When you say one thing but you mean your mother." This is what was written on a card at a gift shop in Wilmington, NC while having our mother daughter lunch date years ago. My Mom read it laughing to herself thinking about her mother.... 'n I laughed at it thinking about her. Isn't it funny how as we get older especially as women, we'll say something, or do something, shake a cup with ice in it a certain way (oh my GAH my mother) and think THERE SHE IS. She just came out of my mouth...oh dear Jesus... It just slips out with no warning; our mother's exact tone and fascial expression, and then most assuredly a look of terror after we realize what just happened.

So why is it that rather than finding these lil slip ups endearing or sweet reminders of our mother's mannerisms, we usually grimace and cross ourselves for protection.

In most traditions whether it be Mayan, Native American, Hawaiian ...Southern. People wanna know where ya came from.

Who's your grandma? Where'd they come from? What recipes were handed down? This gives good insight to what's threaded into the fabric of your being right? Much more is handed down through our lineage than meets the eye, but what most people still don't realize is how much that is exactly.

The egg that made wonderful you, was in fact, not created by your mother, but her mother.

Mmhm that's right. She git it from her Grandma.

So all the things you 'n your mom argue about...might just be the same things your mother and her mother argued about. What a cycle y’all...

Let's add on top of that... the energetic cords that connect each of us throughout our own liftime. Now think about the cords your first, second, third, and fourth generation relatives may have had. I mean we're talkin an intricately woven pipeline of wisdom, tragedy, love, abandonment, passions, and patterns that all come back to one place.

You.

Many times when I hear from passed relatives that are sharing comfort and advice, it's to someone they never met in their living years.

Months ago when speaking with a friend, a woman named Nancy came through who I understood had not met her in her living years and having come generations before her, understood the lack of communication in the family, and so was communicating to my friend from a higher plane of understanding and compassion. Sure enough after I left that day, my friend went through an old photo album and there she was. Weeks later visiting her grandma she received pieces of jewelry that belonged to Nancy.

This wise woman was making herself known as a constant for comfort and companionship in the family despite the current situations.

The growth and healing don’t end ever after death.

When you feel close to a relative you've never met, or feel that urge to find out more about them, what do you hear?

What do you feel when you think about them?

What are you struggling with to uncover in yourself right now?

I can gaurantee they're here to help you with that. They saw the attendant light go on 'n said, "WOOP! Hold up I got this one! That's my girl!"

Whethere its's feminine wisdom and strength. The need for a healthy masculine role in your life. The longing for healing family wounds and unhealthy attachments.

There's a guide for that.

And more often than not, if it's about your family, they'll be from your family, because they long to heal the exact same things.

I've always felt this really strong connection to anything witchy or pagan in general, but also thought oh HAIL NAW I aint tryin to be like the crazy chick on The Craft! (and I hate snakes...so that is just NOT gonna work out.) I want good good good things 'n I wanna be a good girl. A real good girl. I'm just tryna be a good girl in a good world! As I've come to learn, my idea of being good, was what you could also call…hiding. Denying my true nature. Not accepting responsibility. Not making waves by all means.

Now I dunno if you can tell from the picture of my maternal Grandmother and me below, but "peace keeper" was not a term I ever heard used to describe her.

She was one of those women you could just see in her eyes...she didn't fuck around. (Don't let the duck sweater fool you.)

She was a code breaker during WWII. I loved her perfect china for her coffee and jeweled case for her cigarettes. She had a great rasp to her voice and an attentive stare when you spoke. She had this abrassiveness but feminine nature about her that I loved. I never felt like I got to really have a relationship with her though what with puttin' her husband in prison when I was 5 ‘n all. That kinda... ya know...put a damper on things.

So to my surpise during a massage session five or six years ago a dear friend of mine raised her head out of the cradle 'n said, "Ok...your grandmother will not stop telling me to let you know she's helping you with your gifts."

"Grandma...Jane?"

“Yes!”

I laughed and told my friend, "Wow, I mean I've felt like she was but, I kinda didn't think of all people it'd be her. She was a tough broad."

Then we both heard Jane say, "Yeah… not like your mother..." YEP. That’s her.

I've always gotten glimpses, smells, visions, from different times in my lives. As my husband discovered things about himself and became attracted to the Nordic traditions I thought, "DING DING! You on it babe!" Discovering my family heritage from Sweden and my childhood obsession with Norway, I began recalling my father's voice throughout my entire childhood. "That Jane was a real Witch." I've always been afraid to step up. To know who I am without fearing I'll look egotistical 'n well...like a real witch. But here I am...talkin bout visions 'n shit. 'N who's here to help me not give a fuck what everyone thinks? Grandma Jane. Who was used to bein’ called… a real witch.

I smelled her Jessica McClintock perfume SO strongly in my aunt’s home that I could lean into it and step back out of it, like a cloud just hanging in the corner of her kitchen. I could hear her saying, "Yes it's me!"

I've been ashamed of parts of my self and in turn have felt weary of reaching for the wisdom of a woman my family called a witch my entire life.

But she's exactly who I've needed.

Who are your gaurdians at this stage in your life? Who's helpin ya pick out outfits durin the day like, "yeeeees thats my style!" Who's tellin you to go back to that radio station, that song was their favorite. Listen. You'll hear them. :)

Divine Message-

"Who is it you see yourself as at your highest potential? You are exactly that. Without question. Serve your family by putting down your heavy burrdens, and become that highest version of yourself."

xoxo!!!

-Rebecca